Triad Magazine

A Hillsborough Community College Student Publication since 1978.

13

by Deanna Schultz

Thirteen is scary. Thirteen is angry.
Thirteen is being unaware of how scared
and angry you actually are.

Thirteen is yelling at your mom telling her
that you’ll always be this way because
you’ve convinced yourself that you’re
found and anew, but time is an illusion.

Thirteen is covering your face and body
with oddly shaped clothes and hair to fi t a
certain crowd that you will never be a part
of, and doesn’t want you to begin with.

Thirteen is not having the right friends
to mcaht yo ur des i res to be co ole,v e n
though you’ve denounced wanting to be
cool at all.

Some people were born cool. They were
born skinny with better hair and more
money.

But they are scared. They are angry. Just
as much as you. Maybe more. Maybe
less.

They are scared and they are angry and
they don’t want to be cool, but they want
to be cool. And their bodies don’t look like
the Sixteen year olds on Google Images,
and neither does yours.

They are wearing oddly shaped clothes
and hair for a crowd that they so
desperately want to be a part of, but that
doesn’t want them either.

Regardless of what crowds we wished
were ours, we never felt like we belonged
when we tried to join.

We all shop at the same mask store
where one size fi ts all, but no one will
ever know that we were there.

Thirteen is staying up late for the fi rst time
at your first “real” sleepover.

Thirteen is starting your period and
getting excited because you’re growing
up, more so than those who haven’t.

Thirteen is realizing that your friend is
really your best friend; that the two of you
share a story that won’t be over right out
of middle school.

Thirteen is making it to Sixteen.
Sixteen is making it to Nineteen.

Nineteen is looking back on Thirteen and
being proud that you’ve changed, but at
the same time you haven’t.

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