Triad Magazine

A Hillsborough Community College Student Publication since 1978.

I Once Contemplated Suicide

by Fabian S. Hall

I once contemplated suicide
Thoughtfully for a long time, I pondered
I wondered, mentally, physically, and spiritually
I examined and observed
I once contemplated suicide
I’m strong minded; at times confi dent, caring, and comforting
Not sure, insecure and emotional
People think that I’m ok, but I’m not
I laugh, I cry, I got a heart of gold
I’m bold, I’m cold, I’m warm, and defeated
I once contemplated suicide
I’m not what I dreamt to be
Nobody loves me, nobody cares
I know where my father’s gun is
Nothing ever goes right, everything is going wrong
I’m trying to remain, there is no one to blame
But me
I once contemplated suicide
My world is tumbling, the walls are closing, and my everything, is gone
My heart, my future, my wife, my queen, my dreams
My finger was squeezing the trigger, man that spirit was in me
Sometimes, it surfaces
My brother intervened, unknowingly
I was startled, one fl inch and it was over
Let me gather my thoughts
I once contemplated suicide

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