Dead Weight

~ Veronica Brezina

I am stuck under this rock.
This boulder so heavy with guilt, sorrow, and despair all fused in.
I took a deep breath from a pocket of air.
I pushed and pushed, but it was stubborn.
Just staying still, letting me know this is the end.
The end of my road.

I closed my eyes, to retrace my steps.
How did I get under this rock? Where along this road did I get lost?
Was it when I followed the North Star, or could it be when I
Went south too far?

It could be when I married Julie instead of June,
When I had two sons instead of none.
With thoughts of my unborn daughter haunting in my head,
How we’d thrown away her pink clothes and wallpaper.
left with only a barren dead room.
If only it wasn’t for my barren wife’s womb.
I shouldn’t have married Julie instead of June.

Still buried beneath this wicked boulder,
I again tried to escape by leaning against it with my shoulder.
It wouldn’t move it was stubborn.
It wanted me here to stay.
Once again, I closed my eyes and started to ponder.

Did I take a sharp left?
Did I go the wrong right?
Maybe it was when I accidently pulled the trigger too tight.
I heard the bullet take off from the barrel.
The screaming sirens drew near.
It was in that moment, a boulder held me.
I could push and push and get nowhere.

I retraced my steps, back in my head.
Was it when I followed the North Star,
Or could it be when I went south too far?
Or was it when I pulled the trigger too tight?
I could push and push, but the boulder wanted me here.
It just staying still, letting me know this is the end.
The end of my road.